Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Where are the bloody vegetables?
I have mentioned the Twat's dire approach to cooking before, in that apart from his infamous pasta bake which we all love, everything else comes out of either a jar or a packet or is ready-made. So I decided to help.
The first introduction was a vegetable to a vegetable.
"Twat, this is a carrot. It is easily distinguishable by its phallic shape and bright orange colour."
"Owdoo, carrot."
"This is a potato, but you know all about potatoes. These are mange-tout, green and look like squashed pea-pods."
"Owdoo spud. Owdoo mange-tout."That went fairly well, considering. It wasn't until I showed him 2 chicken legs that he looked worried, as if to say that the vegetables were for fun - but chicken is meat. What should he do with 2 chicken legs. I explained how they should be cooked and gave him a tip for cooking everything together so that he didn't have to deal with more than one pyrex dish and one saucepan, as he tends to forget about things.
And it worked - we started eating meat and veg at last.
But on Saturday, as I entered the kitchen to help the Twat tackle a bit of roast beef and found everything almost ready to be served, something didn't seem to be quite right.
"Q, where are the mushrooms?"
"Oh, I forgot."
"The onion?"
"Oh, I forgot."
"And where the fuck are the beans??"
"Oh I forgot..."
"Get the fuck out of my way."As the Twat carved up chunks of beef (his carving skills are non-existent) I boiled up a kettle of water, top-and-tailed the beans as fast as possible while stirring the brown stuff that the Twat called Bisto or something.
We ended up with half a carrot each, barely-cooked runner beans, potatoes and roast beef. So to avoid asking where the fuck the vegetables are tonight, I've already prepared them with Todd's divine help. Watching him top-and-tail runner beans 2 at a time was amusing and I certainly wasn't going to show him how to do it quickly - let the boy find out. And he did, remarkably quickly, I'm pleased to say.
This is going so well that one day the Twat will ask
me "where the fuck the
meat is."
I shall smile sweetly and say:
"In Delhaize."Labels: cooking
Monday, January 05, 2009
Image012.jpg
Shopping with my beloved as she stares at wine and makes up recipies on the spot. Here she examines a reflective band for cyclists. Under health and safety laws she should be wearing one. Especialy in supermarkets. Live blogged from Delhaize - another award winning post
Happy New Year, Happy New Year, Happy New Year...
So, it's back to the office for most of Belgium today, apart from those lovely people who work as hairdressers, in supermarkets etc, etc. Even my kids go back to school - my daughters have two weeks of exams for which they have spent their two-week holiday studying for at great length.
But it's not really that that annoys me. I want to go back to work, strangely enough. I love my new job, the people with whom I work and I want to start the new year feeling this positive. That is, until I have to start saying 'Happy New Year' over and over and over again. When is the new year not a new year? Once you have spoken to just about everybody you come into contact with.... so that will be:
- my 3 colleagues (that's 3 x 3 kisses)
- 2 visitors scheduled for today (British visitors who don't kiss - I think)
- whoever else I may bump into who also works in the building (god knows how many kisses that may involve)
- +/- 2 people at my bank (no kissing - I've no idea why they want me there)
- anyone else I may bump into today (+/- 5) (+/- 5 x 3 kisses)
= +/- 15 people, if I'm lucky.
But it never simply stops there,does it?
There is the phone. Each incoming phone call starts with, after the "Best Place In The World To Work (BPITWTW), good morning" will follow with "And a very Happy New Year to you too, Your Majesty" - or whatever. It always does. And after 15 January this does get a bit tiring. At least there's no kissing to be done over the phone. At least, not yet. The future technology scares me in that respect and I may never answer the phone again if you are actually able to kiss down a phone line. And let's face it kids, I'm sure it'll happen one day.
Being So Continental does have its fall-backs. How do you explain that you have run out of kisses when your birthday is only the next month?
I need help on this one.
Now those are the verbal wishes for the new year. And kisses.
Then there are the emails.
Oh, and I'm finally seeing my hairdresser on Tuesday as my fringe is longer than Goldie Hawn's ever was. I look like a fucking lapdog. More kisses and wishes etc despite having texted each other on 1st January. And her assistant. (An extra 2 x 3 kisses.)
When is it right to stop as I'm considering this coming midnight.
Labels: NYE wishes
Friday, January 02, 2009
It's that time of year again.
The beginning of January means one thing to quite a lot of bloggers, even those who won't admit it - of which there are quite a few. And what's that?
The
Bloggies.
There are, as usual, several changes. The following three categories have been removed:
- Best American Weblog
- Best Art or Craft Weblog, and sadly,
- Best GLBT Weblog
and replaced by:
- Best Art, Craft or Design Weblog (slight clash there with 'Best-designed Weblog')
- Best Travel Weblog, and
- Best Microblog.
There are several blogs on my blogroll that I'd desperately love to see as a winner - blogs that I have nominated for over the past years. It is no secret that Peter at
Naked Blog would love to win the 'Lifetime Achievement Award' so let's try and make it his turn this year as personally, I think he deserves it.
So do get nominating as nominations close on 12 January.
Just think - you could be a winner too, even if you're not a blogger.
Labels: Bloggies 09
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Wishing you all a very...
Very Happy New Year
From the
Twat Mansions
And that hope, peace, love and so much more
will reach you and your families this coming year.
Apart from Vicus, that is. He's been mean to me,
Especially after I sent him a BEAUTIFUL card -
as I do every year.
Zed, Quarsan, Coralie, Tatiana and Todd.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Labels: Xmas
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I said that there was an explanation.
Seeing as the Twat seems that hurting myself is hilarious and decided that a short video of self-harm was in order so as to blog it and I'm stupid enough to go along not really thinking that he'd put it it up as it wouldn't work except it did and so he did post it with the link and almost put it on YouTube but I draw a line somewhere and when I saw it I did say that there is an explanation.
Todd gets great kicks out of jumping onto empty plastic bottles with their lids still on thus sending the lids flying at quite a speed all over my bedroom.
So I thought that I'd try it.
What I didn't realise was that doing so in socks is not a good idea and the first time I tried I landed on the floor with a heavy thud.
But with a result.
I'd stripped the bottle of both its labels.
The Twat, thinking that I'd hurt myself, ran upstairs but he find me nursing a twisted ankle so thought no more about it.
Until the next day.
"I've got to film that," he said with great enthusiasm. So thinking that I really could do it I jumped on an empty bottle while he filmed.
"Shit, my phone doesn't film things," he said, much to my pleasure as I sat on the floor nursing a sore knee.
"But yours does," and he grabbed my phone and told me to do it again.
And I did. The arch of my foot is now bruised entirely.
NY resolution: grow up and stop listening to the Twat.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Speaking of Blackmail
Picture the scene. By darling beloved, whom I love deeply, has some plastic bottles - water bottles; yes she does touch the stuff - to dispose of. First of all she has to expell the air out of them and crush them to save space. She does this by jumping on them with both feet.
Question time:
What is the outcome of this activity?
1. Complete success
2. Limited success
3. Please let me see the video.
Pick an answer.
OK,
Here it is (3gp 867kb) on a mobile phone format that should work
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Should I or shouldn't I?
That old git,
Vicus Scurra has paid me 2p not to post something. My dilemma is thus:
1. I have not yet received the 2p, and
2. I think a lot of people would like to know what it's about.
Should I post it or should I go.
And seeing as I haven't received the money yet DESPITE having a Paypal account, I'll have to rely on you fair readers to pay me to spill the gossip.
Think of it as a New Year's present.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Our huge christmas tree this morning.
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Just what I wanted; a hand painted Sarah Palin mirror. New Year resolution is vengance.
Merry Christmas.
Wishing you all a
Very Merry Christmas
or at least a happy holiday
or even a New Prime Minister
and a Prosperous 2009
from the Twat Mansions,
Zed, Quarsan, Coralie, Tatiana and Todd.
xxxx
Labels: Xmas
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Feeling Bleurgh.
Things haven't been too good over the past three days as I was struck down with a virus and life seemed to move very slowly in front of my eyes - if at all. Quarsan was a saint and gave me cups of tea and checked in regularly making sure that I had what was needed, as I watched the entire world move along at the speed of a stoned slug which eventually keeled over and passed out.
Just as I thought that I had got rid of it, it started up again, slowly but surely and the headaches started. As I knocked back as many Excedrin as I could I finally found that reading wasn't too painful and decided to pass my time away engorged in a book until Eastenders. Or the next cup of tea.
To wither away the rest of the time I'd read Private Eye, wrap up the last few presents and drink more cups of tea inbetween snoozes, still battling against this 'deadly' virus that seemed to be killing me softly.
Quarsan carried on playing doctor and tore bits of selotape for me and eventually everything looked better. Especially the presents.
He had run several virus-checks and spybot only to finally declare my laptop virus-free.
Now to get on with my life.
Labels: Barry.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Xmas Shopping
Had a lovely, lovely time in Delhaize supermarket with my beloved, whom I love deeply. She brought along a special 3 pages of A4 as our shopping list. To make it a really useful list, each meals ingredients were listed seperately, just so we could have extra fun trying to sort out what quantity of each item we needed.
Oh the joy.
Eventually we managed to make it outside, but my precious memory of this lovely, special time with my darling is captured in this photo.
Funny how we rarely go shopping together.
Oh No!
The King of Belgium's annual speech to the country is to be delayed! The recording of his speech should have taken place on Monday, to be transmitted via TV and radio on christmas eve, but due to Belgium's crisis (crisis? what crisis?) he has decided to delay the recording until Wednesday itself in case of any last-minute changes.
Now, just what is going on in the heart of Europe?
The Prime Minister has resigned
AGAIN. PM Yves Leterme has decided to resign yet
again, and this time the King has accepted his resignation. Leterme is a pretty hopeless case in my hopelessly, unpolitical point-of-view seeing as the first thing he did when elected as Prime Minister was to unsuccessfully resign. This time, old King Al was left with little choice seeing as it was all to do with the 'Fortisgate'. From what I can see, two past PM's names have been mentioned - Dehaene and Martens. I particularly disliked the former and can't remember much of the latter.
But that's news of 22 December 2008 - and my politics are pretty crap. Belgium without a government functions pretty well, but this economic crisis has everybody jitterbugging about. Perhaps we need a PM rather than an ageing King - I have friends who can teach me that in words of one syllable, careful to ommit the words in Latin, knowing how much and how little I can grasp.
I wonder how much of a tax-cut the Twat is going to ask for this time. It was 50% last time and the look on the tax man's face was priceless.
Belgium. You simply can't make it up.
Labels: Belgium, politix
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Twat's Quote of the Day.
The Twat's feelings for me are becoming more and more questionable the older he gets. Last night I asked him if he loved me.
"Of course I do, even when you've got spots."
"So you haven't got the seven-year itch then?"
"Of course not - I'm far too idle to have an affair."And that was closely followed by:
"Having an affair wouldn't exactly fit in with my dream of having a quiet life."At least he's honest.
I s'pose.
Labels: TQOTD
